busy busy

For the past two weeks I have been going to every kind of doctor imaginable. I am worn out and not getting many more answers in regards to having a second surgery. Yet I did get some encouraging news.

On Friday I had my second post-op MRI. Everything is stable since surgery, YEAH!! I spoke to my oncologist's fellow who did not seem so convinced about having another surgery, yet he did not say his opinion either way. He pretty much told me I have the most difficult decision to make, gee thanks. I do appreciate his candor and I know it is ultimately up to me, I just wish I had more direct recommendations from doctors.

Today I went to an opthamologist, who specializes in oncology. I was unsure how he could help me, but I feel the appointment was useful. After two hour of testing it was determined that the vision I am missing is from my retina scars from 6 years ago. I did not have any vision cuts from the surgery. I did however lose some of my vision for colors. It is not anything really noticeable since it is only one eye. I can still see all the colors, but red is a little duller these days. The doctor recommended that I do not have another surgery, as I am doing so well. He wants to check on my vision every couple of months (yeah another doctor to follow up on) to monitor the tumor. So I put this doctor in the con-surgery column.

As of now I am leaning toward the wait-and-wait procedure. Funny how just a few weeks ago I was leaning toward surgery. I fear that if the tumor grows it will do more harm then the surgery would. Yet who knows if and when it will grow. I like the thought process of treating the patient not the tumor. As of right now I am feeling pretty good and my seizures are under control, so why risk it. I think I was leaning toward the surgery because it is a more active approach. But there is no way of knowing if it is worth it. Just because the last surgery was not so difficult for me, there is no guarantees the second wont be. I fear with the watch-and-wait I will live from one MRI to next. I do not want to be like that, but I already feel myself becoming that way. I am much more leery about making long term plans, always wondering if my tumor will grow by then. I recently heard someone calling it "watch-and-live," which I will strive to follow.