Ready, Set... ?

Here we are again. My surgery is scheduled for June 30th. I know every other week my opinion on surgery has changed. It has been emotionally and mentally taxing on me. I decided I prefer to have the surgery now on my time versus when my tumor decides to grow and it becomes an "emergency surgery." I have accepted the risks to my vision. I trust my surgeon will do less damage to my vision then a uncontrolled growing tumor. I feel confident in my decision as it was MY decision and I did as much research as possible so I feel that I am ready.
Occasionally I get annoyed that I could have had this surgery 3 months ago and it would have been over and done with. But I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. If I had the surgery in March it would not have been a good time, as K's grandmother passed away the day I was meant to have the surgery. We both would have not been there for her. He wouldnt have had the chance to say goodbye to her. It would have been horrid for K and his parents to go between planning a funeral and worrying about me in the hospital.
Also I was not as educated on my BT as I am now. If anything did go wrong I would have had regrets of not getting more opinions or getting more knowledge. I feel I am able to make a much more educated decision now.
Of course I am scared of the possible risks. I am scared of going through this all again. Of the pain, feeling helpless and weak and the emotional and cognitive toll it took on me. My surgeon said I am resilient and he thinks my cells ought to be too. I chuckled when he said this as if I can control how my body will react to surgery. But I like the thought of being in control of my body and being able to fight this tumor. So I will strive even more to be resilient, body and mind.