Comfortably Numb

This whole surgery deal still seems so surreal. I am trying to figure out if I am at peace with this decision because it is the right thing to do or because I rather be proactive. I do not want to rush such a serious decision. Listening to another opinion helped me see that is medically necessary, yet no one is saying it has to be done NOW. I know I want to feel like I am in control of my life (who doesn't?), but that does not always mean to act. Yet waiting for my brain, memory and seizures to get worse and then have this surgery 5 years from now does not seem like a good idea either. I would like to think earlier is safer when it comes to brain surgery. Right now the doctors think this is not a complex surgery, where it is thought to only get more complicated. I also do not want surgery to hang over my head for years and later wish it was already done. I feel I have learned a lot from my previous surgeries and recovery. I now know what I need emotionally to get through surgery. I also know who I can ask for help and who really wants to be there for me. I think going to counseling has helped see these things. I have also made a great network of friends in the cancer and epilepsy world, that add to my support network. Right now I feel like I have the resources to get through surgery emotionally. I do still worry how I will get through this cognitively and physically. There is no way to prepare for that. No one knows what will happen it is a big risk. I can try to think positively, but I also want to remain realistic. I would never imagine that not even a year later I would have to go through this all over again. I would like to think I am a stronger person this time around.