1 year next week

Next week it will be one year since my second brain surgery. It is hard for me to reflect on this past year because my memory is so poor. One year ago seems so far away, yet just like yesterday. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think anyone who has been through something like this understands what I mean. I have had a very different recovery from this surgery. Not better or worse, just different- different challenges and accomplishments. One thing that sticks out in my mind about this recovery is yoga. I started practicing yoga just two months after my surgery. I remember feeling so scared about starting yoga because I felt my body was so fragile. I was worried that any little physical exertion could possibly hurt my healing brain. Even though my surgeon and several yoga instructors assured me I was clear for physical activities. My confidence was also so fragile. I feared how I would "look stupid" because of my physical and cognitive issues. My body was physically weak and my balance was so poor. I was in constant fear of falling over or having a seizure. To make matters worse I had (and still have) difficulties with visual memory and processing. I had no idea how I was going to follow the instructor when I have trouble distinguishing left from right. I also worried about meeting new people because my facial recognition and facial memory are shot. Despite all my fears and challenges I felt yoga calling me. Somewhere deep in my mind I knew it was something I HAD to do. I slowly gained confidence and physical abilities. I learned to leave my expectations and judgment at the door. This helped me not only in yoga, but in all parts of my life. There were so many days when bad medical news made it difficult for me to get myself to class, but I always felt so much better when I got there. I will never forget after a long day at Memorial Sloan Kettering I dragged myself to a Tuesday night class. During savasana I began to process my entire journey with this brain tumor. A few slow tears ran down my face as I finally accepted that I will have to live with this brain tumor and its effects my entire life. Of course it was devastating, but it felt so good to come to terms with it. Yoga helped me heal physically and emotionally. I am grateful that this yoga studio opened right at the time of my surgery and that I have amazing instructors that gave me the confidence and skills to start my practice.