Dealing

I am not sure how the so-called average deal with such a horrible diagnosis as a brain tumor. But I would imagine that some people shut down, stop doing things for others in order to enjoy their time left. I initially had this feeling. I wanted to stay in my own bubble of self pity with a few closest friends. Instead I began thinking about how little the world knows about brain tumors and how little research there is out there. I became a speech pathologist in order to make a difference, to help disabled adults and children. I also do volunteer work to try to make the slightest difference. So of course there is no difference now that I have my diagnosis. I find myself trying harder at work to make a difference in these kids and parents lives. I want to continue to volunteer and work in order to make an imprint on people's lives. It is not in vain, in order for them to remember me. It is so when I do lose my battle with this disease that they will be more aware of brain tumors and maybe in turn do something about it. Not that I expect my co-workers or students to find a cure for brain tumors, but anything will help for this orphan cancer. Even if it makes one person think "wow I know/knew someone with a brain tumor, it can happen to anyone." Or even the feeling of not being alone with a horrible disease. Of course there is still a part of me that wants to hide myself from the world and not meet anymore people that may have to eventually mourn for me. But I realize that is not who I am, I am happy helping others and making a difference. I hope I am, I hope I can.