Roller coaster of emotions

These past few weeks have been such a roller coaster of emotions for me. I feel like I am always really high or really low. And it changes moment by moment. I put on such a brave face all the time that it is catching up to me. Every little disappointment is catastrophic to me. Like this morning I accidently dropped my just delivered breakfast onto my dirty floor. I felt like someone stole a prized possession. Then I get mad at myself for letting little things get to me. I know I wasnt really that upset about my omelet (even though it looked delicious, lol). It is just that every day I have some sort of discouraging news that makes me realize that my life will never be under my control again. I feel this tumor has taken over my life and every time I think I go the control back something new happens. Since my diagnosis I was began to live life for the moment. When K proposed to me I gladly said yes instead of letting my commitment phobias get in the way. I applied and accepted a job offer that I was always too intimidated to go for. I stand up for myself more and take less crap from others. This is not so extreme that it makes me a mean person, just more self confident. I realize that the worst that can happen in these situations is so small in comparison to real life consequences. Its not that I dont care what will happen, but I know in the grand scheme of things it is not as important. Whenever I get excited for a future event (my WEDDING, a new job) I get news that it may not happen as I want it. This second surgery is really messing with me psychologically. I have been depressed before and I always hoped that I wouldnt get here again. But I will put on my brave face and get thru this. Because no matter how down I get I will not give up. I want to win, I want to take MY life back. I just wish I could get rid of this dark cloud over my head, its starting to get me down but I know I will bounce back (eventually).