getting ready

I have been trying to prepare myself for this surgery. I have no idea how one prepares for brain surgery. I had to take 2 days off of work for all the pre-op stuff. Sitting home for 2 days is driving me insane. My brain is just thinking of everything that could possibly happen. I just want the day to come so I can stop worrying about it. I know I will have new worries once the surgery is over, but I am sick of waiting. I am not sure if I am at the denial or acceptance stage. At times I am so sure that everything will go as well as last time. Then I worry that I am just fooling myself and setting myself up for disappointment. I want to be realistic yet remain positive. I am not sure if this is at all possible. I thought after my first surgery I would approach life differently and live more for the moment. In a way some things have changed (like me), but overall my life is not too different. I realized why this is. If I were to live for the day I would do all things I want to do, but work gets in the way (time and energy wise). But I need to work in order to fund these fun things and everyday non-fun things (rent, electricity, ect). I think once K and I are married we can sit down and evaluate what we need to do financially. I love my job and cannot imagine not working, but I think I need to take care of myself. I want to work, but I need to decide how much and where. I need to lower my stress level and enjoy life more. I think I am getting off topic now because I am really tired. G'night. I need my rest.