One year tumorversary

As my one year tumorversary came I was nervous that it would bring up all the emotions I have been hiding. I clearly remember the day (10/28/08) when K and I were playing chess in my hospital room and my long time neurologist walked into the room. Her face was unreadable, but I was not worried because everyone assumed I had epilepsy. They were casually mentioned to me that I would be put on meds and sent home shortly. When she began talking about my MRI, I started to get nervous. Deep down I felt all my issues the past year were neurological, but I pushed those feelings away. I was preparing myself for the neuro to diagnose me with MS. When she said that my long time "cyst changed." I felt my stomach drop and the world shatter around me. I was speechless. I do not think words were even running thru my head. She already started talking about biopsy and surgery. She left me thinking about all of this new info saying the neurosurgery would be in shortly. I was shocked and numb. I quickly looked at K, who was feeling the same way. He crawled into bed with me and we just held each other until we realized that we had to deal with this quick. My family was to arrive shortly. I worried the most about telling my mom the news. I was scared. I was mad. I remember when my best friend walked into the room I whispered all this in her ear and cried for the first time.
When I think back at this day it seems so long ago, yet so recent. Instead of stressing out about the past year, I feel grateful for how far I have come in this year. I think of all I have been thru and smile that I got thru it. Those first few days after being diagnosed I was in shock. I would literally wake up reliving my neurologist's words wondering if it really happened. It was like every morning I woke saying "Oh shit I really do have a brain tumor." This went on for months, I just wanted it to be a bad dream. I worried that I would never get out of shock. Not a day goes by that I do not think of my brain tumor, but I do not wake up reliving those words. I have come a long way from last year. Some days it may not feel that way, but deep down inside I know it is true. I have been thru more then anyone should and I feel it has made me stronger. I may have been left with some physical and psychological scars from the experience, but I am still here and that is all that matters. I am grateful for everything I accomplished this year and all the people who stood by my side.
So on my one year tumorversary I say: F--k you Timmy! I will not let you get the best of me!