Crazy doctor appointment week

This week was supposed to be a great week, with my grad school orientation. The orientation is tomorrow after my neuro appointment and MRI scan (3rd in 2 months). Once again my brain tumor is disrupting my life. I have to miss yet another day of work. Once I get into my work routine I feel much better cognitively and emotionally, but lately I cannot get there. I am really nervous about my appointment tomorrow and I am not sure why. Part of me is nervous that I still will not get any new answers. I hate always being in limbo. I do not want to waste a "sick day" from work to not gain any new information. I also cannot imagine having to wait longer for answer, even though I know I probably will have to. How can one move forward if they are always getting pulled back? Whenever I am starting to feel a little more "normal" something brings me back to this brain tumor. It has been seizures, medication side effects, MRIs, etc. Every day I live in fear of another seizure. I analyze everything that goes on with my body, wondering if it a seizure, surgery side effect, or tumor side effect. I know my life and body will never be the same, but I am still waiting for some calmness in this storm.